Feelings

The one thing I needed to do throughout all of this leaving the youth group stuff was to assure myself I was going to follow Jesus first.

That’s something I feel very strongly about. I hate it when people follow me instead of Jesus and claim to be Christian. I hate it when Christians follow another person, like a pastor, instead of Jesus.

Maybe I was losing my grip on what was most important to me, maybe that’s why I fled everything that was good except my Messiah. I left my girlfriend, many of my friends, and my Shepard. I did it so I would know who I follow in the deepest parts of my heart, and I find each and everyday new ways I should be following Jesus instead of myself. Sometimes I can treat my grandparents selfishly and walk allover them, sometimes I am compelled to brag for no reason, and sometimes I fill my boredom with unnecessary and empty forms of entertainment, when I could be reading the Bible, working, doing something fun that isn’t mental idle or talking to a friend.

I believe in rest, but I don’t think that all of my spare time should be spent watching “Scrubs”. Sometimes when things get chaotic, we look for distractions or escape rather then assurance or solution. There is nothing wrong with ignoring some problems for a while. But my mentality has never really been “at some point I should solve this”, it’s a little more like “if I catch 30 pokemon before dinner I won’t have to clean my room”.

Some say idle hands are the tools of the devil. I’m not sure I really buy that to be entirely literal. I do buy that being creative is good for the soul, that spending an honest amount of time with God is very good, keeping your life organized is needed to stay disciplined, “staying in the storm” brings triumph, and that one of the most godly things you can do is create. After you’re done with all of that, I don’t see idle-ism as a threat to your spirituality.

The people who do simply miss the significance of rest and even patience.

Our emotions concerning heart aches, decisions, stress and other things are set in cycles for our brain to process. Things like “the first sign is denial” is a well observed norm for accepting ones death or alcoholism, but many of these trains of thought lead you to the acceptance of a resolution or fact. In decision making you go through cycles like this as well, I believe. Though it may not be predictable the same way, taking time away from something can make your dilemma clearer to you. Our emotions can make a lot of our decisions for us because we may skip the most important step in the process.

People might spend a few hours writing a letter, and even dwell on it for a good 24 hours and still miss an important part of their own method- the waiting.

I don’t know about everyone, but I know most people including myself can take their whole perspective straight out of a single emotion, even happiness or a close feeling you have with God can cloud your perspective. Even if you sit down and process a decision logically, your initial emotions can fool you and you can become susceptible to utter blunders that completely self created.

Following me so far? Cool.

There are however, choices we make that pretty much only deal with emotion. Maybe it’s to kiss your girl/boyfriend on the cheek, or to laugh. I would leave all that up to the moment personally. But that doesn’t really distribute properly, huh? I mean, if you have the urge to yell or shout at someone, do you follow through? Not always. But that’s a decision we make that is still embedded in emotion. You can trick yourself with grief not to yell when you’re angry, or with mercy (which I believe is in fact an emotion).

So what’s important to you? Making the right decision? Sure, but I always think that’s what I’m doing when I’m really indulging myself with the little decisions I make. In this way we tend to follow ourselves instead of Jesus.

There’s really only two ways out of this one.

A) Consciously rely on ourselves to make the decision on the spot. This is a pretty pure form of legalism considering it can be seen as an even more sophisticated form of self idolatry. It also starts a pattern of dealing with our emotions that falls apart quickly and lead us all the way back to same problem.

B) Ask Jesus to change the desires of our hearts daily.

What I see happening a lot lately is a complete back fire of emotional discernment.

Many pastors will argue that because our hearts create hurtful desires, our hearts must be inherently rooted in evil. The verses they commonly use never go to that level with me. I suppose it’s because that assumption nearly alleviates and contradicts the Bible’s claim that we can have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Allow me to elaborate.

When we “relate” to something it is a reaction. If we can react to God in a positive way then our hearts must create good desires.

Another thing (and this is fallacy ridden everyone), is that the Bible is a book of Hope and Love. If all our hearts desires are evil (which by the way is never stated in the Bible, the Bible does state that out of our hearts come wickedness but that is not an exclusive statement- it is only considered exclusive by people who beg the question) then that is easily the most hopeless and loveless thing I’ve ever heard.

So because of the assumption that All of our Desires, unless they are changed by God quite directly, Pastors and Preachers around the world have gained a great power- the power to control people. By bringing them a radical ‘realization’ that all they are capable of is evil without God the pastors have just received every Christian with any conviction in all of the goyum as an early birthday present. Now, tell them what God does approve of Mr. Pastor. Mhm, that’s right. He says that God will challenge you with his commands and you will need to make sacrifices (which is quite true). But guess how people take that? They will go to a significantly lazier ideology. “Believe what the Pastor says always even when it is repulsive” because, I mean after all, the desire not to follow the words of a spiritual authority could only come from the wicked heart of a human.

Do you sense the sarcasm?

This doctrine is just another way to control you and I.

We need to be careful and thoughtful of the desires we have. We aren’t trustworthy because our thoughts and emotions are so jumbled up with sin (a very integral part of our lives sadly), but do not let that fool you into thinking that only bad can come of you without the direct interference of God. God gave you a large amount of something called “Common Grace” which was a subject in the old debates for centuries. American Fundamentalism rejects this idea, even though much of their theology comes from the same set of debates. A defense of this is commonly “Well, God’s goodness is much better then the common Goodness of mankind” in which they contradict themselves.

We were created in God’s image. You know what I think that means? I don’t think it means we look like God physically. I think it means that our emotions are mirrors of God’s. That’s the only thing I ever found remotely similar between God and Wo/Mankind. And you know what I think that means? I think that means our emotions are not ever evil. Our actions are, our thoughts are, but I compel you to never get down on yourself for feeling a certain way. Fill your mind with prayer and wisdom instead, and know that it’s what you do that can matter the most.

Derek and I have reconciled our differences and conflicts.

I do not agree with him and nor do he agree with I.

We are not in conflict anymore.

I still am with the "other" youth man though.

My Poems (completed)

Drained

But what’s left of me?
I’m sitting here dieing,
Moving on can be so hard
Moving on can seem so long
I know I’ll get through it all
But one thing I never asked you
Was to say you love me
Take you sin and shove it up your
Apologies don’t take away the pain
One thing I never asked you was
For you to love me too
And now it’s my fault your in San Diego
Or so you at least there is no proof that you even know me
I’m sure your daddy’s proud
Because
Moving on can be so draining
Moving on with her complaining
I know that you planned to go
Before you woke up lieing next to me
Sure let me take all the blame, this song isn’t about my blame
Let me live my separate life
I don’t care about your strife
Sleep tonite you little girl
Moving on is my great hardship
Moving on is my commitment
So pack your bags, wait you’re gone
What made this relationship so wrong?
And as I move out of depression
I also move out of obsession
Your idol words shall never touch my heart again…

Like a journalists prominade

It was the way you covered me.
Or was it the way you brought me down…
Could have been how you noticed me
Why did you skip town on me
My heart was broken,
But did it stay that way for you?
We could have made better decisions
They were like ice in the oven
I know now you fall
Fall into the dirt
Your regret is my despair
Anger drawn forthwith to determine
I am forced to determine
I am forced and wrenched
There is the stain of blood
There is the strain of love
But what listens to what is dead?

Eye Opener

Firstly, I know that you meant it
And secondly
I know that Every single moment
You were wanting
But it wasn’t there
It never was here or there
That you worried about

Waist-ing time
Barbering our deepest
With scissors of truth
Hiding both from me
And to a hello
What’s a lie when nothing isn’t?
Can I even tell the truth anymore?
Now I am wanting

I’ll say this much
That I am dry
I am weak
And that’s why
My eyes are open
Because I could never cry
Over a simple haircut,
Until I met you

I never did
Tried to never speak?
Just kiss me
So that my eyes may stay closed.

What really happens/ed to your/the dairy (or; is knowledge power)

I was sick on that bed
Clothed and yet you were naked
For there it sat on your bedside table
Was it as inspiring as your bedside manner

I stared gladly upon it
And you know that what was in there
Was what I had wanted it to be
Is this my chance,
Will there be romance?

Did I obey your trust?
Yes
But still
Your anger fetched a pretty price
And my reputation
Was broke like an unemployed baby

I didn’t
You know I didn’t
Because I wasn’t ready
I never read your souls sole desires

What really happens
When a girl is read like the open book
That is written
By herself? All I know

Is that it was closed
and
When you opened it
Was when you got angry with me for reading it
You know who really read it…
He took yours in my sleep
But your rage was like the pages written in your loves blood

“This will be the best year ever”
It was said on your covers
Why wasn’t it? Why
Couldn’t you be in love with me?
No
You would have nothing to write

I’m not good / Take away

I know that I’m not good enough for you,
I know that my hear may not be good or true
But deep down inside, I feel a life coming out
And a blessing… never ending

So I’m going to say goodbye to my sins
Goodbye to the world
Goodbye to my hurt
Your love is unfurled
Goodbye to something inside that just aint right for me…

Take away my pain today
Help me Wash (away what kept me unclean)
Take away my sins today
Show me (what it means to know love)

For both of you

You know who each of you are
I can’t
I never did

One was blind
The other was dead
But still could stand
And go to church

But that’s not what you really did
Going to church
Every Sunday with
The only intention
You both shared

The blind didn’t know
Where she was
Because
Neither of you really did

Why did I become 2 too? Both of I are without your blind eyes. Blind like a mole

a Piece of our Shit

Feels like only yesterday
You and I would see eye to eye
Blasting our boundaries
With only one knife
With the love and the Bible
We spoke
With a loud and a sharp tongue
Living on the edge
Our minds looking into a mirror

Twice is too much
It wasn’t even the best
Did it hurt?
Knifes hurt
But we use the same knife
Cutting away
a piece of our shit

Was it all Shit? Just shit?
Was it all shit to you?
Shit I can’t get over it
It feels like a dream, or an anthem
Playing in my head, confusing me
Was it meaningless shit?
That kiss

It could have been more romantic
It couldn’t have been more weakening
Knives are weakening…
Your dark lips
Rose red
Your eyes brown like shit
All of the places our shit had to fall
At least you smiled when I hugged her
You caused some shit you know

That kiss was shit too you
Have you ever shit gold?
Because this shit is gold
And it hurts like knives

Jackoff

Could it have been
Every weak
You watched me play
Weakly
Did it start
When I was a weak behind
Because the races
Are indignant

I acted so dumb at the concert
We shared what was unforgettable
And I didn’t even know
That you didn’t know

He was making use of your friendship
He needs To kill his self pity
But he never understood
Jacking off to your picture
Was turning him into a monster
which wasn’t what we want when we went without waiting
but it happened
and he made me think twice
before I ever mentioned his name again
because I told everyone

I get frustrated to think it was your first kiss
Because it was so good
It was killing him
He who said
He was already dead
I hate him

This song begans with K

No it doesn’t
It never started my way
It had to be like I lived a million miles
From anything that was happy

The song never begans
Because your letter isn’t in this frea*ing poem
I hate that letter
It means nothing,
And can be replaced
With a higher grade
Latin doesn’t even have that letter really

you are pretty
but that ma*es my life that much easier
bekause I am not really afraid
you kan sing your song
but keep it from me, ok?
and now it’s begun to kill

I’m done with you fuc*ing around with me
Your song is over, k?

Know it

--------------------

I know you care for me
But is that anyway to show it? It’s hard too
I know it

But maybe we should sleep
Sleep on the ideas
Before sleeping with each other

I know it
But is there anyway to say it? I don’t know
Maybe I’m blind

But did it occur to you, that this relationship was threw
Before it started? I think this song just needs to be sung.
I’m so vulnerable when you touched me I wasn’t aware that we weren’t in love

Lowed

-----------------------

Pull me down
With whatever intentions
You may have.
Contact,

My self,
With your self

Pull me down,
Bite me, touch me as
We lay silent
For hours,

Ourselves…
Close, warm, soft.

However I can
Make you feel special I
Want too try
Here,

In peace
And comfort

When I close the lids off my eyes

When I close the lids of my eyes, kissing,
Holding, touching, feeling you. Seeing you…
I will not know where I am. What’s the point?
Knowing so little? There is so much here.

If we’re to be in the depths of the sea
The fish’s fins flapping in the dark blue…
If we’re to be high among the mountains
The fog and clouds aligned as one, thin air

Or what if we’re in the dark or the night?
Hidden by all but the light of the moon?
We breathe in sequence, close and dark, loomless
What’s too worry when there is nothing to see?

I wouldn’t care as much as I do for you
For when you are here… for when you are near.

And on the green mountains what would we see?
The mist and rain, the trees and the rivers…
What animals would run by? I don’t know.
There is better to know, to be concerned.

And the valley’s of the mountains, lush, low,
In it people that we know, places to go…
Things rushing past them, all seem unneeded.
What’re they when they are not in the mountains?

And with your eyes, reflecting by the sun,
Your hair fallen on your shoulders and neck
You say “can it work?” “Can we make it out?”
It works on our mountain top, only there.

Let us bring our mountain down, forward, down.
Let us make this mountain our world t’gether

What is special
Should not be hidden
I do not care what they say

To much about you
Is too wonderful to see
Unless you are close enough

To hear you breathe
To taste your scent
To hear your voice

late at night
in the evening

my winter time is when your voice falls on my ears like snow flakes

my summer time is when your smile glows in the light

my spring time is when our flower of affection blossoms

my fall is when I know you’ve picked me up

and when I open my eyes, I know I have had to closed them. I know what happened.

it felt like lightning

it crept like a chill

it was good

it reminds me of nothing

and it feels like everything

A Love Monopoly

-------------------------------

It’s just a little game

Just a drama to keep you busy

The more you move the less you hate

All the things that you’ve been through

The work and friends, parties and make outs

Can’t seem to satisfy

Your need for feeling

All that I’ve given

I don’t regret it

But you could at least see how much

I need you to give back

Because I lose my faith in you if you

Can’t even sacrifice

Is it just you acting out?

Because it felt like love,

Though maybe not the sort you marry on

But who knows

I sure don’t know much

Change

-------------------

This isn’t what I bargained for,
This isn’t what I expect
When I feel I’m alright; I’m really out of control
That my movements have to be double good
That my intent isn’t enough, my heart is less
Then my actions…

What’s good for You isn’t good for the world
And You are good for the world
What is needed to us is not needed to you
But you have knowledge in both.

What a joyous God that isn’t bound
Bound by our pride, our need, our un-understood.
I should swallow what I know about pride
Other then its consequences

Decent

---------------------

And coming down the stairs
I see the light glinting
Let me turn around;

I hear your favorite song
Let me turn around
And see you there again

Daily I walk, and when
I have something to say
I’ll still dial your number
Sometimes I’ll push “send”
And in a fit I hang up
Tears will still roll for you

You’ve been gone
You’ll stay gone
There’s nothing I do
If only you were there
When I kissed her at the bus stop
You would have proud

You never met her and never will

To the Public

I don't think I was clear enough in my last post. I caused a lot of tension and I'm sorry for that.

I intend on leaving the youth group unless several things are done. The first being a formal apology for all the headaches this situation has caused me, the second being a public acknowledgement of the fallacies used against me. Then I will gladdly go back to being a participant in the youth group. I would also like to announce that I know no one actually thinks Derek is in the right mind to kick me out of the yotuh group and encourage my ostricization.

Why would I want to participate in a youth group whose leader thinks I'm in sin, when he has no real scriptural evidance to back it up and a goyum of people who think the same thing? I am a growing Christian. This is all extremely ridiculus. You all have absolutley no idea how much it hurts to see such a Godly group of people not listen to Jesus Christ.

That's really what all of this is about. I'd rather listen and learn from Jesus then from Derek. If Derek thinks differently then Jesus then I cannot be in service with him. If High Point wants me back, I don't think I'll come back to be honest. Why should I come back when there is purely more then one disagreement? There will be many because of the difference I have with the way Scripture is used in faith and life.

I Beleive scripture is all God Breathed. I beleive that God wants me to hear every word from the Bible and take it too heart. I beleive that each sentence in the Bible has so much to it that we will never understand all of it. I beleive in the clarity as well as the ambiguity of the Bible. I beleive that each person has to know scripture well, and there can be many ways of looking at it and many ways of things in scripture and just because someone's interpretation is different doesn't make them wrong (not to say that there cannot be wrong interpretations). I sure hope everyone thinks something similar, because it will stop a lot of their friends pain.

To the Public

Recently I have had some issues with the things that are being enforced at FBCLA’s youth group, with the leadership. I then realized that these issues were symptomatic of the church in question. The Theology of the Church as a Whole can be Driven and Reasoned using Fallacies. Fallacies are very real and dangerous breakdowns in logic. Some of the biggest political blunders were caused by fallacies, like the Bay of Pigs. Regular readers will remember that I am quite fond of fallacy-free logic, as are most people.

The first thing is that FBCLA does not seem to understand that just because the Bible has a warning against something doesn’t mean doing it is a sin to do that thing which you were warned against. But we’ll get to that later. The second thing is that

Particularly in the case of II Corinthians 6:14, where does that verse say “this verse is talking about Marriage”? It doesn’t. You interpreted it to say that. It’s an obvious it is though, right? Sure. It is so obvious to you, that you’re willing to preach it on Sunday Morning. There is nothing wrong with that. Others will say that it’s about any relationship that has the potential to be life long. That’s a fine interpretation. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m actually in agreement with the interpretation! But that’s not what FBCers believe. They believe that it’s a sin to date/be good friends with/marry etc. a non-believer. Hmm. If it was a sin, then Jesus would have said something about it. Paul has no right to lay out how God judges sin. Only God has the power to decide, and if you say that God said it through Paul then you are once again using a fallacy.

This is a direct reflection that I am just not taken seriously. I am serious musician and it took me years to convey that. My wishes for the sound and integrity of the music are not important though, but for many years my drum set, a very expensive piece of equipment, was replaced by a drum set that has nearly no nice qualities about it, even though I willingly offer to keep it and leave it there. I have written scores and scores of orchestral music and yet none of it would be considered because I am not taken seriously. I am a goofball, I like to have a goodtime, I say things that are hysterical and unbelievable for the reaction of making people laugh. I’ve pulled elongated and elaborate pranks, and lead people out of their security to fool them and make them laugh. But I am a serious person. I have talents, desires, brains and convictions. I have the Holy Spirit, a relationship with God that is immovable, an understanding of scripture that is unique and insightful and enlightening to me and my peers, I have lived more then nearly all people my age and I have enough life experience to know what a drastic response is and what a restrained response is.

Another trend is that when I screw up all of my works and deeds are immediately discredited. That is unfair, unbiblical and very unchristian. I’ve chosen to measure my spiritual growth on a stick, not a ruler, an endless stick. If you fall of the stick during your growth, you don’t start over, you continue onward from where you fell off. God honors your past and blesses you when you make mistakes.

I love FBCLA. Without that Church I may never have accepted the Lord. I never would have grown as much as I did in such little time. Evan Winslow, David Wilson, Kelsey Sullivan, Bobby Blakey, Andrew Keuer and Ty Sager are all names I will never forget because of how much I grew while knowing them and fellowshipping with them. It is church with much foundation in the word and has lots of great people leading, Derek Brown being one of them. I will respect their ministry, beliefs, philosophies as long as they respect others who are Biblical and upright. I mean that with my whole body and soul.

I have decided that because my personal ministry is not wanted at FBCLA, High Point or Worship Café, I am not taken seriously, and my spiritual integrity and maturity/biblical knowledge/leadership capability/and love for Jesus is all being questioned by mentors and peers alike I want to start a ministry of my own. It will be geared towards teens and young adults to focus on their relationship with God. I want it to bear fruits, like I do. And I’m not being arrogant when I say that, I’m trying to be honest. This ministry is not a church in the modern sense; it is simply a group of believers. That is what I want.

I want a church that isn’t extremely biased against different Biblical approaches to things, is willing to let live and learn even if they feel that strongly it is wrong- they should know what’s destructive and what isn’t and complete retort without understanding in any case is just wrong unless it is a very ugly scenario.

That’s what I think, and I hope you understand.

God Bless,

Drew Dominguez

wow it's been a while huh?

Hey everyone who still subscribes to this with RSS.

I haven't been very faithful to this blog. Blogging isn't really my thing I guess. Haha.

Well Recently I quit Letters Make Words so I could start a band with Mitch, Eric and Brent Faulder (who has written many songs we can steel form him! lol). I've been talking with this guy named Thomas who might want to play with us.

Anyway.

Peace and love.

Worship

Eric Drury and I are now in responsible command of Worship at High Point. We are both taking the role cereal (instead of serious, 'cereal' will now be used) and want to Lead in Spirit and Truth.

This last Sunday we had no other way of leading Worship!

Eric texted me at 4am on sunday morning, saying that he was 'Hacking' all night. I was left to my own devices and immediately thought of a way out.

I thinks I has the solution


This Pslam stuck out to me almost immeadiately (4:05)

Psalm 145

1 I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.

2 Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.

4 One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

The first act of worship found in this Pslam is Meditation. I decided that for worship we should all bow our heads in silence and meditate, and Derek suggested we open the floor up to prayer.
It was a good idea, I was pretty nervous though haha.